Please
take the time to read your fellow subscribers
ads, they will read yours.
Do
not forget, to submit your free ad you need to quotethe
free ad code, which can be found somewhere inthis
issue, as well as the Sunday edition.
See
below for details how to submit your advertisements
If
you have any suggestions for things you would like
to see, please let me know.
I
look forward to hearing from you.
Regards
Rita
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1.
“Something is wrong here: War, disease, death, destruction, hunger,
filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades.
Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the
best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong
on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kinda (expletive) you’d
expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.”
2.
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for
their final exam.”
3. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
4.
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what
do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”
5.
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help
section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
6. “Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”
7. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
8. “How come when it’s us it’s ‘an abortion,’ but when it’s a chicken it’s an omelet?”
9.
“The best thing about getting old is you’re not responsible for
remembering things anymore. Even important things. ‘But it was your
daughter’s funeral.’ ‘I forgot!’ You can even make believe you have
Alzheimer’s disease. It’s a lot of fun. You can look around the dining
room table and say, ‘Who are you people and where is my horse?’
10.
“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man… living in
the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And
the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you
to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special
place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to
live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But
he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”
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Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
Women would rule the world.
--------------------------
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bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could
possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
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